As I sat in my screened room this morning enjoying my quiet time with God, I felt so profoundly moved that a few tears rolled down my cheeks. I was suddenly struck by just how blessed I am in life. It’s not that I wasn’t already aware of this fact, but this morning, in that particular moment, it just smacked me right between the eyes, hit me in the solar plexus, took my breathe away.
I am truly blessed beyond belief as I acknowledge just the basics of my life. As far as I am aware I have good health. I also have medical coverage that allows me to take care of any health issues that may arise. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to put on my body. I also have enough money to pay for these things and to cover the bills. Except for my mortgage, I have no debts. There are more people in the world who do not have all these things than who do have them. That makes me incredibly blessed.
But let me go beyond the basics and look at the other blessings in my life. The very fact that I am typing this means that I have been educated and can read and write. That I am typing this on a computer is another huge blessing. As I look around the “roof that is over my head” I recognize that I have many other-than-basic things that help to make my home comfortable and beautiful. And in the driveway there are two vehicles and my husband’s beloved Harley is in the garage. I feel so blessed.
The more I thought about the blessings in my life, the more I felt blessed. I am fortunate enough to have many friends. And when I say friends I mean the kind of people who truly care about me. People who would drop everything and come and sit with me in a crisis. Couples, singles – both male and female – who would come hold my hand or my heart if I was hurting badly either physically or emotionally. People who love to spend time with me, eating a good meal or going to the movies, or just sitting sharing from the heart.
I have a freedom to believe in the God of my understanding and to worship that God in whatever church I choose – or not. I am nurtured and fed by sharing my faith with many of the friends I mentioned previously, either through ritual at church or in less formal ways as I also develop my spirituality outside the confines of a church. What a blessing that is!
As I continued to sit there, a hummingbird flew into my yard and dazzled me with his amazing flying and hovering capabilities. He shone like a bright jewel in the morning sunlight. Alongside him bees were buzzing from bloom to bloom drinking their fill of nectar. Lizards darted along the back fence, stopping from time to time to puff out their pink necks in aggression or attraction, depending on whether the other lizard was male or female. Cardinals and Blue Jays flew amongst the pine trees behind the fence while several iridescent dragonflies flew lazy rectangles around the yard. And my heart was filled with joy and gratitude at the magnitude of blessings that fill my life.
Today I didn’t have to be anywhere. I had no appointments with anyone, nothing specific I had to do. Days like today are few and far between. Days like today are a gift, yet even as I draw a huge sigh of relief there is a part of me that dreads them.
The day slowly unfolds as I sit surrounded by nature and enjoy my morning quiet time and breakfast in the screen room. It is wonderful not to have any pressure to pick up the pace, get showered and ready, and be out the door. And yet I am vaguely aware of a sense of apprehension as the empty space of hours stretches in front of me.
Perhaps it is the Ying and Yang of me, that part of my personality that sits happily in contradiction with itself. I want to be free of any claims on my time and, at the same time, I need some form of structure to keep me going. When I am blessed with a day like today I usually find one of two things happening.
I will either start “meandering” from one room to another, never quite sure why I am there. Then something will catch my eye and I will be drawn to be involved. A short time later I will be reminded of something that needs to be done, or I will remember something that I wanted to do, and off I go to do it. However, on the way there, something else will catch my attention and I will be distracted into that activity. At the end of such a day I usually feel as though I have accomplished nothing even though I have been busy and on the go all day long!
Or I will feel quite guilty about the fact that I “have nothing to do” (that’s a joke in and of itself!!). I will think of my husband who “goes to work everyday”, as though the fact that I don’t have an outside job means I don’t do anything! This is old thinking and fortunately doesn’t plague me too often these days. But, the fact of the matter is that I then subconsciously start “organizing” myself and setting goals to accomplish by the end of the day (read, by the time my husband gets home!). And, bang, there goes my lovely “day for myself.
Today I determined was going to be different. I didn’t have a plan, although I kind of expected to spend a fair amount of time in the garden. I took my breakfast things from the patio to the kitchen half expecting to see something “catch my eye” on the way there. I didn’t notice anything in particular tugging at me, but as I put things away I had a clear thought: the craft room.
This is one of my special places to be, where I feed my artistic Muse by making cards. It has been “messy and disordered” (and therefore uninviting) since Christmas, and this state of affairs was not helped by a minor change in the layout of the computer room that my husband and I made a week ago, that involved removing a desk from the craft room. And so in that moment I decided that my gift to myself today would be to return my craft room to the inviting place that it should be.
It has been a great day. I cleared out a lot of boxes and made room for the new. I organized my work areas so that I actually had the space to work. By the end of the day not only did I feel like sitting down to make some cards, but I had also unearthed some memories. In fact, this piece of writing was originally titled “Musings: Sabbath with Georgina”. But I guess my mind had to do a little bit of “meandering” this evening, and I will write the Sabbath story tomorrow – maybe. This has truly been a day for me.