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Easter

Musings: Unblocking Again

I have been in a “dry spell” again:-(.  And yet I have so much I want to write about.  So many things running around my head.  But it all seems stuck inside and I haven’t been able to release it.  It is so frustrating. So let me start somewhere and see if I can unblock something.

So much has happened in my life in the last couple of months. Oh nothing monumental or earth-shattering – just life.  But it has been so much more than the various bouts of sickness that I have had to contend with.  Towards the end of February we had an amazing Lenten Mission at our church.  A man fired with the Holy Spirit, Fr. Jim Curtin from Wisconsin, came and woke up a new spirit in our parish.  I will eventually write a full posting about that.

One morning in March (fortunately in one of my healthy periods!!), my husband suddenly experienced chest pains and was hospitalized.  I discovered through that experience that I have a weird way of dealing with unexpected shocking news when it involves my loved ones.  That’s another posting too.

Easter and the celebration of the risen Lord came around again.  With each year I become more and more aware of the passing of the seasons and the special church and State feast days and festivals.  And each one seems to come around faster and faster.  I am sure that this has something to do with what happens internally to us as we get older.  Food for another posting.

At the end of March we had the joy of a fleeting visit from my eldest son Marco.  He was flown from Naples, Italy to DC for a conference.  That was a chance not to pass up and so he came a couple of days early and we flew him down to Florida so we could snatch some time with him.  It was a happy time, yet tinged with sadness:  his ten year relationship with the love of his life is seemingly at an end.  The culprit? Words – those said in anger and those left unsaid.  I know in my heart that I can write something about that.

And then came my birthday.  Thank God by then I was done with being sick and I was able to celebrate with joy.  Dinner with friends one day.  Lunch with “the girls” another day.  Cards and telephone calls from family across the sea as well as those close by.  And wonderful gifts that showed just how much people cared.  Beautiful flowers from my husband.

Celebration followed celebration as Mother’s Day came just a week after my birthday.  What a day of bitter-sweet emotions.  Mother’s Day this year occurred on the fourteenth anniversary of the passing of my own mother.  I miss her so much.  I still have times when I want to telephone her to share a special moment.  I often think how she would have enjoyed a visit to my home here in America.

Again I received calls from my sons overseas.  My husband showered me with more flowers and a lovely card.  And of course my “baby”, my beautiful daughter Melissa, also telephoned.  I was out in the garden and had just seen three butterflies in quick succession.  They are my special connection to my mother but almost always cause the tears to flow. 

I shared my memory of my mother with Melissa and we both cried some together.  Between the tears she said, “I wish I could spend the day with you Mum”. But we both know that while she makes the choices that she makes today, that cannot be possible.  And my heart is broken all over again.  Sometimes being a mother just plains sucks!!

In the last few days I have realized that much of this being blocked, of my inability to write, is connected to this particular heartbreak.  I have to put so much energy into staying upbeat, into not walking around looking miserable, that I have no energy left for play dates with my internal Muse.  By the end of the day it leaves me totally exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

So now I have to figure out a way to break through this situation so that I can reclaim my inspiration, my time with the Muse.  Perhaps I have taken a small step in this direction this week.  I have found a support group that may help me to walk through the difficulty in my relationship with my daughter.  Then I hope to free myself and my energy and move back into daily regular writing.     

Shared Wisdom: Resurrection

At Easter I am always reminded of a very special “resurrection” or “new life” story.  This story is one of several writings that we had available as Team Members to read to the participants of the CREDO Personal Growth Retreats.  I always tried to be the one to read this particular piece because I found it to be so meaningful and moving.  (Unless Chaplain Bruce was on the team, then he got first dibs and I would read my second favorite – a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit by Marjorie Williams.

Jeremy’s Egg

Jeremy was born with a twisted body, a slow mind and a chronic terminal illness that had been slowly killing him all his young life. Still, his parents had tried to give him as normal a life as possible and had sent him to St. Theresa’s Elementary School.

At the age of 12, Jeremy was only in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Jeremy irritated his teacher.

One day, she called his parents and asked them to come to St. Theresa’s for a consultation. As the Forresters sat quietly in the empty classrooms, Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn’t fair to him to be with younger children who don’t have learning problems. Why there is a five-year gap between his age and that of the other students!"

Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue while her husband spoke, "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know that he really likes it here."

Doris sat for a long time after they left, staring at the snow outside of the window. It’s coldness seems to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn’t fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach and Jeremy was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read or write. Why waste any more time trying?

As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. "Oh God," she said aloud, "here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared with that poor family! Please help me to be more patient with Jeremy." From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy’s noises and his blank stares. Then one day he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him. "I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loudly enough for the whole class to hear. The other children snickered, and Doris’ face turned red. She stammered, "Wh-Why, that’s very nice, Jeremy. Now please take your seat."

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Miller!" the children responded enthusiastically – all except for Jeremy. He just listened intently, his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus’ death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them. That evening, Doris’ kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy’s parents.

The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller’s desk.

After they completed their Math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground we know that spring is here."

A small girl in the first row waved her arms. "That’s my egg, Miss Miller," she called out. The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes that is new life, too."

Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine." Next Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that the moss, too, showed new life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom. "My daddy helped me!" he beamed.

Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty! Surely it must be Jeremy’s, she thought, and, of course, he did not understand her instructions. If she only had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another. Suddenly Jeremy spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren’t you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy your egg is empty!" He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus’ tomb was empty too!"

Time stopped. When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh yes!" Jeremy exclaimed. "Jesus was killed and put in there. Then his Father raised him up!"

The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away. Three months later Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty!

Jeremy’s Egg by Ida Mae Kempel

Shared Wisdom: More Quotations

I always enjoy sharing some of my favorite quotations.  They are usually words that have helped me through a situation or two.  Sometimes they have presented themselves as words of comfort and encouragement, sometimes as words of inspiration.  Frequently they have improved my understanding of a particular set of circumstances.  More often that not they have been “light bulb” words; words that have given me that “ah-ha” moment. 

No matter what the moment may have been, these words have been important enough to me to have caused me to write them down for future reference.  I hope you may find some gems of wisdom among the following quotations that will enlighten your heart and your day.

  • You give but little when you give of your possessions.  It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.       (Kahlil Gibran)
  • Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.    (Jesus Christ)
  • Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.       (Thich Nhat Hanh)
  • Faith is a desperate dive out of the sinking boat of human effort and a prayer that God will be there to pull us out of the water.     (Max Lucado)
  • Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.  (American Indian Proverb)
  • As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.      (Marian Anderson)
  • If you love yourself, you love everybody else as you do yourself.  As long as you love another person less than you love yourself, you will not really succeed in loving yourself, but if you love all alike, including yourself, you will love them as one person and that person is both God and man.  Thus he is a great and righteous person who, loving himself, loves all others equally.     (Meister Eckhart)
  • Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.    (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
  • Encouragement is awesome.  It has the capacity .. to actually change the course of another human being’s day, week, or life.    (Charles Swindoll)
  • I have found that when I am willing to trust and follow my energy it leads me into relationships with people from whom I have the most to learn……. I don’t need to enter or stay in a relationship that is not good for me, but if I choose to leave I can still acknowledge the gift and the teaching I received.      (Shakti Gawain)
  • One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.      (Goethe)
  • Death seems so wrong, dear Lord
    Couldn’t You have remedied it?
    Have you forgotten, dear child?
    There is Easter!!
            (Ruth Harms Calkin)
  • The uncertainties of the present always give way to the enchanted possibilities of the future.   (Gelsey Kirkland)
  • If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.    (Mother Teresa)
  • Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about?  It just makes me feel glad to be alive – it’s such an interesting world.  It wouldn’t be half so interesting if we knew all about everything.     (Lucy Maud Montgomery)

And one final quotation to carry with you through the day, which also links with the posting I did yesterday Self Nurturing- Program Yourself Positive.

  • Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.    (William James)

Have a wonderful and blessed day!

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