Reconnecting: Awakening the Muse

I have been silent for a long time.  Several months at least, and it has been hard.  Hard to not write; hard to attempt to write.  It’s hard not to write because the words are still in there, in my heart, my mind, and my soul and it’s like they are being stifled, suffocated.  But at the same time, when I’m going through this non-writing phase, it’s also very difficult for me to try and “force” the writing.  I also get very lethargic and don’t feel the energy moving in me to actually sit down and allow the creative juices to flow.

I’m not sure why this happens to me from time to time.  Sometimes it follows a major disruption in my normal routine, or a major difficulty or issue that hits me. I find it very difficult to get back on track with anything once my usual schedule is out of whack for whatever reason.  You know the kind of thing:  I get going into a good exercise routine, something comes along to break that routine and six months later I’m wondering where my exercise routine went.  Or perhaps I’ve managed to get started on a “cleaner” nutrition kick and, again, something comes up to interrupt that and six months later I’m feeling physically very sluggish and know that it has to do with the fact that I’m not eating right – again.

A possible reason may be tied to the fact that I am not a multi-tasker.  What does that have to do with writing or not writing you may ask.  Well it’s just that once I get out of routine it takes an enormous effort on my part to return to routine, and somewhere in there I get caught up in that devious game of “catch-up”.  Because I was gone for a month, I had to catch up with a lot of stuff and a lot of people, and in the meantime new stuff was coming up and I just kept sliding backwards in my time management. So then I try to do more than one thing at once and I end up in a mental, emotional and spiritual mess and there’s no way I can write with all that frustration and confusion going on!

So here I am again, in the moment, a little scared.  Are the words going to come?  Are the words going to flow?  Will I suddenly get stuck in the middle of a paragraph or a sentence and go back to being stifled?  Just the fact that I am here writing this posting is a hopeful sign for me.  I have so much I want to share.  A lot has taken place in my life since I last wrote, since my wonderful month-long vacation in Italy.  I believe I wrote one posting about Italy and I want to share some more of that experience.  I am back at school after the summer break and trying to feel my way into that new routine again – studying and homework. 

In September, right before returning to school, I experienced a three day guided silent retreat which was extraordinary. And in November Richard and I returned to our modest time share in Orlando for our traditional “week of respite” before the madness of “the Holidays” begins. During this period of silence I have also lost two very dear friends and need to share about that.

I have started to take Tai Chi and QiGong classes.  Actually this is a return to both of those two activities for me and I want to share how that “God-incidence” came about.  Suffice to say that I am feeling really good about it and my body is very grateful too.  And along with the Tai Chi and QiGong I somehow finally tried acupuncture.  There’s a whole story behind all this which is quite miraculous really. I have made it through the “Holiday period” without gaining any weight for the first time in I don’t know how many years – at least twenty!!  And that’s a miracle I need to share with you all.

For those of you who have waited patiently for my return – thank you.  For anyone new finding me as I share my journey and this adventure in writing – welcome.  I hope I will not disappoint any of you.