Life Coach: Spirit, Body and Mind » honesty

Musings: A Slow Return to Normal?

Margo — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 18:08:06 +0000

It has been almost twice as long since my last writing as it was since the one before that!! My Muse has been battling a myriad of obstacles to claw her way out from the cold, the grey and gloomy weather, and dealing with pain. Although I find myself in “grey and gloomy” Bellevue, WA and I left behind the now warmer climes of Florida, here she comes pushing and pulling the words with her, in her first attempt in almost two months to put words on the page.

Perhaps it is because there is nothing else to get in the way. I am out of my normal environment, my usual routine. Nothing is clamoring for my attention: no commitments, appointments, or general household chores. I am free to do what I want, when I want. But there is more to it than that. There is a fizz and excitement within me that is quietly bubbling up from my heart like magma from the inner core of a volcano.

However, I must also acknowledge, that just like returning to exercise, I struggle to return to my writing. The weather back home in Florida over the last two weeks has steadily been improving. I have been able to enjoy my quiet time on the lanai almost every morning. I have been enticed out into the garden to begin springtime preparation, and several times have been able to wear shorts and tank tops. But I have been slow to take the laptop out there, and I am well aware that I have made many excuses not to do so. At least I have enough honesty with myself not to declare “reasons”.

So, back to the “bubbling excitement”. And why am I here in Bellevue? Those of you who follow my postings (and a huge apology here for such a prolonged silence), all know that my husband Richard is a techie-geeky type. Well he has been invited by Microsoft, as one of their Most Valued Professionals (MVP), to attend their annual MVP Summit. (He’s like a kid in a toy shop at the moment as he soaks up the techie-geeky air and worships at the Microsoft shrine.) Well, he invited me to accompany him, and as he had plenty of frequent-flyer miles to cover the air fare and as I had never visited this part of the USA before, I said what the heck.

But it was more than the fact that I had never visited this part of the States before that had me saying yes. Coming to Bellevue put me within striking distance of a very dear old friend who I have not seen in twenty five years. George and I met at the same time as I met Richard and within the same Naples Little Theater group. In fact, George directed me in my very first play with that group, “Goodbye Charlie”. That was back in 1983. George left Naples, Italy in either late 1985 or early 1986, and we haven’t seen each other since then!!!!!!! I love George very much and he’s also Godfather to our daughter Melissa, and in just an hour or so I get to hug him and plant a big sloppy wet one on him.

So forgive me if I’m a little excited and somewhat nervous. But, oh what joy that this is the cataclysm that is unleashing the reticent Muse!!

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The Art of Listening

Margo — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 16:20:00 +0000

I have mentioned in several posts recently that I am enrolled into a program called Audire. This is a three year program which will give me certification as a spiritual director. In the context of the Audire program, spiritual direction is intended as a “being a companion” to someone as they explore where they are at in their relationship to whatever God they believe in. Or, if the person does not yet believe in God, walking with them as they explore what this may mean for them and allow them a safe place to explore the possibility of a spiritual life.

One of the skills that is considered to be of prime importance in this training is the art of listening. As I worked and trained with the CREDO retreat process in the US Navy between the years of 1984 to 2003, the skill of listening was also considered to be the most important skill that we needed to cultivate. Most of the yearly training weekends that I spent with CREDO were focused on activities that helped us to hone this particular skill.

On my refrigerator door at home I have a quotation held in place with a magnet that says something like: “The greatest gift we can offer another is the gift of rapt attention.” I’m away from home right now so cannot verify the exact wording nor do I remember the author of the quotation. Just a few days ago, in one of my morning reflections, I read the following quotation by Dr. Joyce Brothers: “Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

Going back to the first quotation, I checked out the dictionary meaning of the word “rapt”. This is what I found:

- completely engrossed: involved in, fascinated by, or concentrating on something to the exclusion of everything else.

- deeply engrossed or absorbed

- blissfully happy: showing or suggesting deep emotions

- transported with emotion

I think the first two definitions are probably the most significant with regards the skill of listening to another, although showing that I am “blissfully happy” or “transported with emotion” as I listen to another in a totally focused way is not so bad either! It would certainly get across the message to them that I am paying complete attention to them and what they are saying.

Listening is just one component of the whole skill of good communication. It is said that when we are communicating with another person several messages are being given and received:

- the message of the words that we are actually saying

- the message that we think we are conveying with the words that we are saying

- the message that the other person hears from the words that we are saying

- the message that the other person then “decodes” from the words that we are saying

- the message that the other person sends back to us in response to the words we are saying

- the message that the other person thinks he has conveyed with the words he has said

- the message that we hear in the words from the other person

- the message that we think we understood (decoded) from the words the other person said.

There may be a few more variables going on at the time which could depend on the parties’ humor, body language, level of distraction, and others!! Is it any wonder that “bad communication” is probably the single most contributing factor to broken relations on the intimate level and wars on the international level?

So, in order to be a “good” listener I need to come to the table in a very specific way in order to offer that “rapt attention” to the other person. Here are some of the tools that I have learned, and continue to hear impressed, in order to be a good listener.

- Look directly at the speaker

- make sure body posture is open and inviting

- clear the mind of other thoughts

- avoid external distractions

- suspend internal judgment

- don’t be mentally preparing a response

- acknowledge that you are hearing by nodding the head or saying “uh huh” from time to time

When the other person stops speaking:

- wait for a few moments and then check with them that they have said all they wanted/needed to say for the moment

- if you are confused about something they said, ask for clarification

- reflect back, summarize what they have said to show them that you have truly been listening

- only then offer honest feedback, being respectful of the other and stating clearly that these are your thoughts and/or feelings in response to what you have
heard

As can be seen, it is not easy to be a “rapt listener” but with a little thought and some willingness to get out of self, we can become the skillful listener that is needed in true communication with another.

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Self Nurturing: More About Reiki

Margo — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 23:48:15 +0000

I love working with the energy. Whether you acknowledge it as the “universal” energy or the “God” energy (which are really one and the same!), it is truly wondrous to be part of someone’s process as they open themselves to receive healing energy.

As I have already mentioned in a previous posting, Self Nurturing- Reiki, I am a Reiki Master Third Degree or Level III. This means that I am certified not only to practice Reiki but also to teach other people about Reiki and to attune them to the different Reiki Levels I, II, and III.

I have had some wonderful Reiki Teachers/Masters along my Reiki path, Pio, Marta, and Amy, and each has gifted me with something precious and unique. In order to develop my own practice and understanding of Reiki and to better help myself to teach and impart the principles of Reiki to my students, I have written my own basic Reiki text.

There is so much information about Reiki “floating around out there”, and so much has been added to the basic steps that Dr. Mikao Usui laid down, that I find a great deal of “complication” in many texts. My personal opinion is that Dr. Usui received very simple instructions through visions about modern day Reiki.

I know that my first Master, Marta Getty, who attuned me to first and second Degrees, added no frills to the basic concepts taught by Dr. Usui. I would like to share with you some of my writing about Reiki.

REIKI: A Definition

- Reiki, pronounced “ray-key” comes from the Japanese language

- Rei, is the Japanese word for universal, spirit, and gift

- Ki, is the Japanese word for the life force energy which flows through everything

Reiki is a profound yet very simple system of healing. The Reiki practitioner places his/her hands upon the person receiving the treatment thus facilitating the flow of the universal life energy. Some Christian Reiki practitioners call this energy the “God Energy”.

BASIC INFORMATION ABOUT REIKI

Reiki Levels: There are three levels or degrees of Reiki. Reiki I, Reiki II, and Reiki Master/Teacher. Some schools of thought on Reiki like to make a separation between Master and Teacher thus creating a fourth level.

Attunements: The attunement process for each level is what awakens the student to the energy of Reiki and helps to open the energy channels within each student, thereby facilitating the flow of the energy.

Symbols: There are four Reiki symbols. 1) the empowering symbol/physical healing symbol; the mental/emotional symbol; the long distance healing symbol; the master/teacher attunement symbol.

Hands-On & Distance Healing: Hands-on healing is demonstrated during training at the Reiki I level and this is the basis for all levels of Reiki. During the Reiki II training students learn how to effect distance healing.

THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF REIKI

Just for today do not worry
Just for today do not anger
Honor your parents, teachers, and elders
Earn your living honestly
Show gratitude to everything

All Reiki practitioners are encouraged to commit to and live by these principles every day of their lives. (I have made them a part of my morning meditation and quiet time.)

Worry consumes a lot of energy that could be put to better use. Worry is perceived as a stressor by our brain which sends messages through the nervous and hormonal systems to get our body into “fight or flight” mode. This causes unnecessary wear and tear on the body and leads to illness.

Anger is as destructive to the mind and body as worry. Anger, in and of itself, is not bad. It lets us know that things are not right. It’s how we react to anger that can be the killer – literally. Many violent crimes are the direct result of anger, and serious illnesses can be caused by living in a state of anger.

To honor and to be kind implies being non-judgmental and allowing the other person the space to be and become all that they can be. This allows us to develop compassion for others which, in turn, allows us the space to have more compassion for ourselves.

Whether working hard to earn our living or to deepen our spiritual practice we will increase our self esteem and sense of personal dignity. Living honestly also offers us a path to personal truth and leads us to inner peace and happiness.

When living in a state of gratitude ego is “kicked to the curb”. Gratitude encourages us to look at our blessings rather than our lack, which in turn leads us to live in a positive state rather than a negative one. Gratitude also helps us to cultivate the quality of humility

I will share more writing from my Handbook in some further posts.

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Musings: The Discomfort of Personal Growth

Margo — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:49:58 +0000

I actually started writing the following three paragraphs in the middle of the last posting that I wrote. However, I quickly realized that they did not belong there so, rather than delete them, I saved them as a draft. I figured that if the words had manifest themselves on the page they were important to come back to. Here are the three paragraphs as I wrote them.

As I have been sitting here, stopping from time time to just breath in deeply, I have been checking the news on my info page. I guess the biggest item that has rocked the world in different ways is still the news coming out of Haiti. I have followed this story, as I’m sure many millions of other people have, and have come to realize how difficult it is to take in the reality of such a situation.

No matter how many photos they print, and there have been hundreds, even though they depict the grim reality of the circumstances it is hard to make it a reality in my own life. Story after story carries an underlying sadness, pain, and desperation. It is heartbreaking to think of the level of suffering and helplessness that overwhelms the surviving Haitian population in the aftermath of the earthquake.

Yet even as I understand the meaning behind the words in these stories, and even as I can see clearly what is depicted in all the photos, there is a part of me that is unable to truly comprehend the magnitude of this tragedy. I went through something similar after the tsunami out in Thailand and Indonesia at Christmas a couple of years ago.

So now I will try to pick up the thread of my thought process a week after writing this. As I said, at the time I was sitting outside in my lanai on the first really warm day after much freezing cold weather had not allowed me to take my lap-top outside and work. I have just reread the three paragraphs and remember now sitting out there in the warmth and sunshine, catching up on world-wide news and feeling so strangely detached from the horrors taking place in Haiti.

I am not sure why this is so. I try to practice compassion in a very real way on a daily basis. I am a Christian person who “loves his neighbor”. I am also an intelligent person, so it’s not that I don’t have the brains or the smarts to grasp what is going on over there in Haiti. Neither am I afflicted by learning disabilities that slow my thought processes or skew them somehow.

I have read on numerous occasions that we, the human race, have been so saturated with violence in today’s world that events such as those taking place in Haiti don’t reach down into our hearts, our guts, or they only get halfway there. Modern media thinks nothing of throwing blood, gore, and downright evil at us in the name of “action movies” and the like, and as a result we become inured to the real life stuff.

As I said above, I see the pictures, I read the stories, the facts, but I have a hard time bringing it all into my own perception of reality. I’m not sure where I want to go with all this, or if I need to go anywhere in particular. Of one thing I am sure, the words presented themselves on the page out of my mind so they must have some specific significance.

I know that I do not feel very happy or comfortable about this posting. It has come out in fits and starts, between one interruption and another. Half way through I found myself thinking, “maybe I should just delete it and start a totally new posting”. But there is a part of me that knows the words need to stay on the page.

Perhaps the discomfort that I am feeling is because this article makes me look at a part of me that is not so nice. That part that wants me to just stay in my comfort zone and get on with my ordinary life. After all, don’t I deal with enough of my own pain without taking on the pain of others? But I know that I cannot do that. If I do, I will experience even more discomfort.

So the words stay, the article stands as is, and I battle on through the stuff that maybe I would prefer to ignore. I ask God to help me find the growth that this is leading me to. Hopefully there will be a quantum leap in my spiritual growth, in my prayer practice. Maybe a little more honesty, another small slice of humility, and just a smidgen more courage to keep me on track.

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Self Nurturing: Program Yourself Positive

Margo — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:50:56 +0000

Our brain does exactly what we tell it to do. This has been proved over and over again by psychologists, psychiatrists and scientists. Much of what we tell our brain to do goes on at a subconscious level.

There are programs in our brain that have been stored there ever since we were born. Some are positive, some are negative. They represent the collection of our experiences as a human being from birth.

Although we human beings are unique as a “thinking” species, we are also rather like robots when it comes to gathering information. Do you remember that strange robot character in the Star Wars movie – R2D2? He was in constant “input mode” devouring every thing he saw and heard and storing it into his system. Well our brains are constantly alert, even when we are babies, and we are constantly absorbing and filing information.

However, a very important thing to remember is that we can start putting powerful, positive programs in our brains right now! Starting this minute, we can build a store of self empowerment that can help us to improve our level of self esteem.

With a higher level of self esteem we will be able to face life with a more positive attitude. This new positive attitude can help us to deal with life’s problems rather than run from them. The quality of our life can improve tremendously. Remember ….

YOU ARE THE PERSON WITH THE POWER TO DO THIS.

One of the simplest yet most powerful tools discovered by man is the concept of “self talk”. What is self talk, you ask. It is quite simply all of the things that we say to ourselves inside our own head – our internal private conversations. And no, that is not a sign of insanity!

Whether we realize it or not, self talk is going on in our head all of the time that we are not actually speaking out loud. Self talk is all of our unspoken thoughts, opinions, judgments, questions, and ideas. However, our self talk can be a conscious level of conversation that we choose to create.

With practice we can build positive thoughts about ourselves which can help us get through tough situations. This leads us to feel good about ourselves – thus increasing our sense of self worth. It is a method that we can use to move out of negative thoughts into positive thoughts. When our thoughts are positive, our attitude becomes positive too.

There are many things we can say to build our self esteem. Here are just a few suggested ideas.

I am a unique person. There is no one else in the whole world exactly like me.
I am blessed with many talents and skills that allow me to live a full life.
I radiate joy and people like to be around me.
I am a beloved child of God.
I am a worthy, valuable person and I deserve to be treated with respect.
I am a sincere and honest person. People can trust me.
I am a caring and loving person.
My thoughts and ideas are intelligent and worth listening to.

Why don’t you take some time right now to write some affirmations about yourself. When you have written them, put your pen down and read them back to yourself. If you are in a private place read them out loud and see how good it feels to hear positive things about yourself.

Pick one or two of your affirmations (or choose from those written above), and commit to saying them to yourself every day for a week. Notice how different you feel about yourself. Write some more affirmations as they occur to you; continue to say them out loud to yourself. Learn to affirm yourself often. You are worth it. You deserve it.

As a Life Coach, I encourage people to use self affirmation as their number one tool. It is always available. You do not need any special materials or any special environment. It is a tool that can be picked up and used any time, any where.

It is of vital importance to all of us to give ourselves the time we need for ourselves. We are valuable and important beings. Just as we would dedicate time to a specific project, so we need to dedicate special time to ourselves. We are our number one project!!

Any professional, whether they are an artist, a brick-layer, a teacher, a carpenter, or a doctor, will confirm that they have to practice using their tools and skills constantly to benefit the most from them. Self talk is a tool. We need to practice using it – OFTEN. We need to set aside a few minutes each day to practice. Choosing the time that is best for us we should make it a regular commitment to ourselves.

So let’s all remember: We have the power to program ourselves positive. Let’s start doing it now!

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Shared Wisdom: The Present Moment

Margo — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:00:00 +0000

Maybe the stars are aligned at the moment. Perhaps God is nudging me to place some real importance on this subject right now, in this moment! A few weeks ago I wrote a posting about living in the present moment (Musings- The Present Moment). Just yesterday I wrote a posting about meditation and labyrinths (Labyrinth Meditation At The Beach) in which I referred again to being in the present moment.

There is a wonderful internet posting that I receive every day called Daily OM. I am going to paste and cut their entry for today 7 September because it is such a re-enforcement of everything that I have said in my two postings and I firmly believe in “sharing the wisdom”, especially when it is about something that I have been able to put into practice in my own life with a certain degree of success. (I work on the premise that if I can do it, anyone else can do it!!)

September 7, 2009
Summon Your Aliveness
Being Fully Present

When we are fully present, we offer our whole selves to whatever it is that we are doing. Our attention, our integrity, and our energy are all focused in the moment and on the task at hand. This is a powerful experience, and when we are in this state, we feel completely alive and invigorated. This kind of aliveness comes easily when we are absorbed in work or play that we love, but it is available to us in every moment, and we can learn to summon it regardless of what we are doing. Even tasks or jobs we don’t enjoy can become infused with the light of being present. The more present we are, the more meaningful our entire lives become.
Next time you find yourself fully engaged in the moment, whether you are making art, trying to solve an interesting puzzle, or talking to your best friend, you may want to take a moment to notice how you feel. You may observe that you are not thinking about what you need to do next, your body feels like it’s pleasantly humming, or your brain feels tingly. As you enjoy the feeling of being located entirely in the present moment, you can inform yourself that you may try to recall this feeling later. You might try this while driving home or getting ready for bed, allowing yourself to be just as engaged in that experience as you were in the earlier one.
The more we draw ourselves into the present moment, the more we honor the gift of our lives, and the more we honor the people around us. When we are fully present, we give and receive aliveness in equal measure. For today, try to be fully present in your daily activities and watch a new reality open for you.

This kind of practice is also referred to as “mindfulness”. I learned much about mindfulness from two books that I have read. The first is titled Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat-Zinn. The other was written by Eckhart Tolle and is titled The Power of Now. If you are trying to be more focused and more centered in your day to day living I highly recommend both of these books.

There is one other facet of living in the present moment that I may not have already mentioned but it is coming to mind now (it’s that God-nudging thing!). When I practice being truly present in the moment, when I focus on being mindful of where I am, what I am doing, and with whom I am engaged with, I tend to be more honest and more compassionate with myself and others. This can only bring more positivity and joy into my life, and I’ll live with that!

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Shared Wisdom: Gratitude, Love, Selflessness

Margo — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 16:05:32 +0000

Gratitude. More aware of what you have than what you don’t. Recognizing the treasure in the simple – a child’s hug, fertile soil, a golden sunset. (Max Lucado)

When we find someone who surpasses us, be thankful that such gifts are in our midst, a public banquet to which we are all invited. (Dale E. Turner)

When the heart is flooded with love there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation. (Anne Morrow Lindberg)

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. (Leo Buscaglia)

Every gift of kindness bears the sign of love. (Janet L. Weaver Smith)

There are those whose lives affect all others around them. Quietly touching one heart, who in turn, touches another. Reaching out to ends further than they would ever know. (William Bradfield)

On our path to the light, we often examine our growth with an eye to what we have yet to achieve. It is very important, however, to become aware of what we have already accomplished. ……….. Write down the ways in which you have changed, and the gifts you have allowed into your life. ….. Consider how your family and friends have helped to bring you to this place on your path. Include those people who have served as great mirrors and teachers in your healing. (Shakti Gawain)

These are the days that must happen to you. You shall scatter with a lavish hand all that you learn or achieve, and those who love you shall rise to your example and be inspired. (Walt Whitman)

You’ve touched people and known it. You’ve touched people and never may know it. Either way, you have something to give. It is in giving to one another that each of our lives becomes meaningful. (Laura Schlessinger)

To be alive, to be able to see, to walk, to have a home, music, paintings, friends – it’s all a miracle. I have adopted the technique of living life from miracle to miracle. (Artur Rubenstein)

If love is anything, it is a gradual process, the long round curve that must be carefully negotiated, not the sharp right angle turn that is made in an instant, once and for all. (John Powell, S.J.)

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